Uprooted

Stubbornness is something the Lord had to uproot in my heart.

Like a petulant child, I said in essence, “I will get what I want, how I want it and when I want it and will not move from this position or place until I get it!”

For years I gave it other names: perseverance, persistence and determination. I even used Scriptures like the passage of the widow who repeatedly went to the unjust judge for justice (which I erroneously viewed God as being hard and unfeeling) to ask Him for things that was not for His kingdom, but my own interest. I used religious catch phrases to make it more appeasing and acceptable. Speak it into existence! Name it and claim it!

Behind such requests, God knew the intent of my heart. He knew how corrupt my thinking had become as evident in my prayers but I could no longer think clearly or rightly.

Truth be told, I enjoyed the sense of power to assert my will to get my way. When I finally worn down everyone and everything in it's path to possess whatever I wanted, I would feel this incredible rush of power to make it happen. Yes, even giving thanks to God for His bestowed blessing! I must be a special child of God!

What God saw in my heart was the thing Samuel described to King Saul after he disobeyed the commandment of the Lord. I Samuel 15:23 reads, “For rebellion is as the sin of witchcraft, and stubbornness is as iniquity and idolatry. Because thou hast rejected the word of the LORD, he hath also rejected thee from being king.”

The root of stubbornness was very much connected to rebellion. I was not submitting myself or my desires to the Lord. I was insistent (yes, another word I used to replace stubbornness) to bring about my own answer to prayer. God pointed to idolatry of self but even deeper still, at a demonic influence. Satan, who rebelled from the beginning to be like God and to sit on His throne, really is at the core of all idolatry. Remember my statement? I will get what I want, how I want and when I want it and will not move from this position. It nearly echoes Lucifer words in Ezekiel 14:13-14 when he declares his boastful five “I will statements”.

How did God correct this way of thinking in my heart? It’s a process that requires me to revisit the garden of Gethsemane where Christ yielded to the Father’s will.

Now, I’m learning to pray in this manner.

Don’t give me what I want, Lord! I don’t want to be like Israel who languished in unbelief in the wilderness even though got what they requested in regards to bread and water but never saw the land flowing with milk and honey. Free me from the spirit of unbelief. I want only what You Lord desire for my life. You said to seek your kingdom first – and those things – what things? The things You, Oh Lord, want me that will only further your plans and purposes in my life to bring the greater glory!” Amen.

God's discipline is not to destroy us but that we might have more of the life of Christ manifested in our lives. Out of a deep, rich love the Lord is training us to be a fine and beautiful child of God. Like a good father, He doesn’t discipline us merely when we are disobedient but daily instructs, guides and nurtures us so that our full potential as sons and daughters of God is realized.